You need to know a few things before you read this.
- Steamed vegetables are only useful as vehicles for fatty condiments.
- Cauliflower freaks me out. It's the broccoli that color and flavor forgot. It's like in those weird Bunnicula novels I used to read, about the rabbit that runs around sucking the shit out of garden vegetables.
Tonight, I exercised, worked late, and then Acted Healthy by purchasing a huge take-out box filled with steamed vegetables.
I Acted Healthy by ordering them with "no butter, but honey mustard please." I know that the snotty pick-up counter girl gave me snide silent commentary through the phone. Please, she commented, spare me the half-assed diet shit. Rest in fat, bitch. Whatever. Anyway, I'm eating it all when I get home, and half-way through the box, I realize... OVER HALF OF IT IS CAULIFLOWER, AND I STILL HAVE ANOTHER CONTAINER OF HONEY MUSTARD LEFT.
I pondered, I scoffed, I sniffed, I sighed. Do I eat the pale vegetable that looks like brains, all for the sake of end-result greasy gratification?
Yes, yes I did. I loooove honey mustard, but I hate fucking cauliflower. The celery stalks at midnight, bitches!
Comments